And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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