i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize