Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
