She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
