I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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