So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
