Got a toothbrush?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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