He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
