were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
