so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
