I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I want a musical about memes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
