i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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