this boner is exhausting
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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