God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
