He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
