i just wanna soil my oats bro
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
