Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
