If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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