um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
