Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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