The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
