We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
pray to the hookup gods
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
