Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
