dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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