ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
