also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
