bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
