We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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