it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
