He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
