We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
