there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
