I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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