Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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