We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
