some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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