1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
