What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
