where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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