too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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