So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
