I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
COCAINE IS GR8
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
