so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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