I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
