i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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