Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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