summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
