i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
