My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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