Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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