I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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