We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
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Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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