I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
