Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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