I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
