shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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