SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i out mim tonsoeep
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
