So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
