why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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