I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
