seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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