My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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