Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
