if i can run in heels then i can drive
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
